Holding Space

I had a two hour conversation with a colleague today. That sounds excessive doesn’t it. Arguably it was (it’s ok to have that judgment). But it is what it is. And what is it, or was it? It was a connection between two people who value each other who wanted to listen to, understand and when necessary coach each other through some goals and life situations. We are all so “busy” and “doing”, sometimes we don’t take the time to connect anymore, or our connection has less depth than is really needed.

As so often happens, the two hour conversation morphed into text messages. I was touched when a message came through where she thanked me for our chat and for holding that space for her. She mentioned how she holds space for many people but literally there is no one who really holds it for her. It was a beautiful message to receive.

Holding Space. It is an important and highly specialized skill that is imperative in the work I do as a Marriage Celebrant. In the conversations I have with my amazing couples, my main role is to listen, especially to listen to what their hopes and dreams are for their big day. Wedding planning is a huge task and it is full of many joys and also stresses. If I can’t hold space in our conversations how will I understand what my couples want for their wedding ceremony. That doesn’t mean that they always tell me exactly what they are after. Many couples don’t really know where to even begin so that is why they get me on board as the expert who can help them navigate what they want. That takes holding space. It also takes quality questions.

Creating a warm welcoming space when I meet my couples, allows them to be put at ease and is conducive to discussion and inspiration. The questions I ask interspersed with some suggestions elicit and develop their ideas and also helps them to cope with any difficulties they may be having during the lead up to the big event.

I’m not there just to deliver a ceremony on the day, I’m there to support my couples the whole way through. When we get to the big day - the fabulous wedding and amazing ceremony, my couples are so at ease they just relax and have the time of their lives. I ensure that I am still holding space, and that also extends to the guests, photographers, musicians, videographers, florists, venues and other professional that I work with. We are after all there for our couple and to ensure that it’s the best day ever for them. It is very rewarding to see the smiles on my couples faces as well as on those of their guests as bit by bit the ceremony that is totally them is delivered and their love story is told in an exciting and fresh way. Getting married is a big deal and the celebration should be perfect to the couple. The wedding ceremony must be as en pointe, and wonderful as the party after, and needs to start the celebration with a bang. Anything less, is, well, quite frankly, not an option.

Here’s some “boring legal stuff” that I actually love seen as I was once a Lawyer who actually loves reading legislation, mwah ah ah. Marriage Celebrants in Australia have a code of practice that we uphold. That code is found in the Marriage Regulations 2017. It says “A marriage celebrant must maintain a high standard of service in his or her professional conduct and practice”. In my own professional practice I extrapolate that code to holding space and ensuring that my couples are heard and valued and that they ultimately have the most unbelievably brilliant and epic wedding ceremony ever possible.

Do you ever hold space for someone? Have you had someone hold space for you? How did that go for you? It’s part of that wonderful human connection that we thrive on.

I leave this challenge with you, to hold space for someone you love, or even someone you work with or perhaps someone you chat to in the supermarket queue. You may even just hold some space for yourself. And if you need a wedding professional who expertly holds space and delivers an exceptional service and ultimately the wedding ceremony of your dreams, get in touch.

Remember YOU are the only you out there, and not only do you have lots to share with others, you could make a difference in someone’s life, just by holding space for them when they share a bit of themself with you. Let me know how you get on.