Holding Space

I had a two hour conversation with a colleague today. That sounds excessive doesn’t it. Arguably it was (it’s ok to have that judgment). But it is what it is. And what is it, or was it? It was a connection between two people who value each other who wanted to listen to, understand and when necessary coach each other through some goals and life situations. We are all so “busy” and “doing”, sometimes we don’t take the time to connect anymore, or our connection has less depth than is really needed.

As so often happens, the two hour conversation morphed into text messages. I was touched when a message came through where she thanked me for our chat and for holding that space for her. She mentioned how she holds space for many people but literally there is no one who really holds it for her. It was a beautiful message to receive.

Holding Space. It is an important and highly specialized skill that is imperative in the work I do as a Marriage Celebrant. In the conversations I have with my amazing couples, my main role is to listen, especially to listen to what their hopes and dreams are for their big day. Wedding planning is a huge task and it is full of many joys and also stresses. If I can’t hold space in our conversations how will I understand what my couples want for their wedding ceremony. That doesn’t mean that they always tell me exactly what they are after. Many couples don’t really know where to even begin so that is why they get me on board as the expert who can help them navigate what they want. That takes holding space. It also takes quality questions.

Creating a warm welcoming space when I meet my couples, allows them to be put at ease and is conducive to discussion and inspiration. The questions I ask interspersed with some suggestions elicit and develop their ideas and also helps them to cope with any difficulties they may be having during the lead up to the big event.

I’m not there just to deliver a ceremony on the day, I’m there to support my couples the whole way through. When we get to the big day - the fabulous wedding and amazing ceremony, my couples are so at ease they just relax and have the time of their lives. I ensure that I am still holding space, and that also extends to the guests, photographers, musicians, videographers, florists, venues and other professional that I work with. We are after all there for our couple and to ensure that it’s the best day ever for them. It is very rewarding to see the smiles on my couples faces as well as on those of their guests as bit by bit the ceremony that is totally them is delivered and their love story is told in an exciting and fresh way. Getting married is a big deal and the celebration should be perfect to the couple. The wedding ceremony must be as en pointe, and wonderful as the party after, and needs to start the celebration with a bang. Anything less, is, well, quite frankly, not an option.

Here’s some “boring legal stuff” that I actually love seen as I was once a Lawyer who actually loves reading legislation, mwah ah ah. Marriage Celebrants in Australia have a code of practice that we uphold. That code is found in the Marriage Regulations 2017. It says “A marriage celebrant must maintain a high standard of service in his or her professional conduct and practice”. In my own professional practice I extrapolate that code to holding space and ensuring that my couples are heard and valued and that they ultimately have the most unbelievably brilliant and epic wedding ceremony ever possible.

Do you ever hold space for someone? Have you had someone hold space for you? How did that go for you? It’s part of that wonderful human connection that we thrive on.

I leave this challenge with you, to hold space for someone you love, or even someone you work with or perhaps someone you chat to in the supermarket queue. You may even just hold some space for yourself. And if you need a wedding professional who expertly holds space and delivers an exceptional service and ultimately the wedding ceremony of your dreams, get in touch.

Remember YOU are the only you out there, and not only do you have lots to share with others, you could make a difference in someone’s life, just by holding space for them when they share a bit of themself with you. Let me know how you get on.

Celebrating Life

I don’t know why, but I have really been pondering this whole thing called life lately. Part of it is probably because one of my dearest friends is facing the end of a long awful illness and her life. It is one of the most heartbreaking things I have faced so far and it is not nice to be in my head at times as I process what is about to happen. I just so desperately want life to be forever. But I know that part of life is death.

I have always loved funerals. Hear me out. I love them, because I hear all these amazing things about the dearly departed. I love hearing about how loved they were and how fascinating their life was. It gives me warm fuzzies to hear all of this. Of course the sadness and grief sets in once I remember that all of this nice stuff is being said about someone who is no longer with us. Why do we wait to say all the nice stuff when someone has gone.

Of course, people do write letters or cards or emails or messages to people expressing their love. But do we really celebrate each other often and to the extent that we could.

As a Marriage Celebrant in Perth, Western Australia, I have helped many marrying couples celebrate their love on their big day. There is a huge skill set involved in creating a beautiful ceremony all about two people and their love for each other, and being able to craft such ceremonies brings me absolute joy. It is such a vibe and I really am privileged to be doing this amazing thing marrying people.

It is often talked about, how special a wedding is, and how it’s the most amazing day of your life. So much is put into the preparation, not just money but also time, sweat and energy. I love this. I celebrate this. I wonder though, why is it that we have so few celebrations. I mean, sure there’s birthdays, special birthdays and graduations, and job promotions, getting into the state or national team etcetera. But can’t we celebrate more. I’m not talking about just getting together and having a party and getting sloshed on our favourite bevvies. But celebrating us, just because we are us.

Well I propose that we do. Let’s celebrate more. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a human way of celebrating how precious this life is. Not all of us will be a Serena Williams a Simone Biles or a Hugh Jackman. But we will each be us. Our unique self. That in itself is something worth celebrating.

Neuroscience and psychology alike teach us the importance of gratitude and how a daily practice of gratitude usually makes a person happier. Gratitude really is celebratory in nature. If we start our day with just expressing gratitude for a few things, we start the day positively. So if the day starts with I’m grateful for my warm bed I just got out of, and I’m grateful for my comfy car that will get me to work. How about we also say I am grateful to be me and for this shot at life. Imagine starting the day celebrating who you are, just because you are you. Just because you are.

I propose that we all write our own celebration piece about ourselves. Like a living eulogy. Why not! Why not write what we think is awesome about ourselves. I know this can be so hard for some people, so maybe lets outsource and ask our besties for their perspectives. I remember once when a friend of mine just spontaneously wrote down what she loved about me. It was so cool! I loved it. It was touching. I read it often. Especially if I feel a bit down on myself. How cool to know what others think of us and how much they love us. I was discussing this with my bestie who is a phenomenal psychologist. She said, “Annie, it’s a great idea. I love it. Have you thought of using your writing and celebration skills to help people and not just those who you are marrying? Maybe you should write “Love and celebration for yourself” Ceremonies.” “ Mmmmm”, I said. “That’s a pretty groovy idea. I don’t really know how I’d do it. But I’ll ponder it for sure.”

I’ve been pondering this over the last year and as time goes by, I love the idea more and more. How cool would it be to have a “Celebrate you” script that you can read anytime you want to celebrate yourself. Or it could be used for a particular milestone birthday and even kept for your eulogy. Yes that arguably sounds a bit morbid, but why not have a say in what is said about you.

As I think of my dear friend who has but months left in this life I felt compelled to write her a love letter. I want her to know how special she is to me and how much I have valued her and her friendship. I want her to know what I would say about her at her celebration of life service (funeral).

Lets celebrate life a bit more. The big things like weddings, but also the little things, like us. Like you. YOU are the only you out there and that deserves celebrating.

I leave this challenge with you, to write down a few dot points about yourself, about your life about the things we should celebrate with you and for you and should you need a more polished and professional tribute about yourself, get in touch.